How to tell if someone is a Republican, a Democrat, or simply a Southerner (joke… but not without an element of truth!)

Image result for Kimber 1911

On a lighter note…!

Are you a Republican, a Democrat, or a Southerner? This little test will help you decide:

You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you…

You are carrying a Kimber 1911 chambered in .45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

******************************
Democrat’s Answer:

Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question! What is a Kimber 1911 and what does .45 ACP mean?

Does the man look poor or oppressed? Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation?

Does the pistol have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior?

I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus. This is all so confusing!

******************************
Republican’s Answer:

BANG!

******************************
Southerner’s Answer:

BANG!
BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click…..

(Sounds of reloading)

BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG!
Click.

Daughter: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Speer Gold Dots or Federal Premium hollow points?!”

Son: “Can I shoot the next one?!”

Wife: “You are NOT taking that to a Taxidermist!”

“You are NOT taking that to a Taxidermist!” Too much… I love it!!!

 

Author: The Anglophilic Anglican

I am an ordained Anglican clergyman, published writer, former op-ed columnist, and experienced outdoor and informal educator. I am also a traditionalist: religiously, philosophically, politically, and socially. I seek to do my bit to promote and restore the Good, the True, and the Beautiful, in a world which has too-often lost touch with all three, and to help re-weave the connections between God, Nature, and humankind which our techno-industrial civilization has strained and broken.

One thought on “How to tell if someone is a Republican, a Democrat, or simply a Southerner (joke… but not without an element of truth!)”

  1. True! In the Richard Jewell movie (which I highly recommend), his lawyer is with him when the FBI comes to execute a search warrant on his home. The lawyer looks in dismay at all the guns Jewell owns, and says “Of course you have guns.” meaning things are just looking worse and worse. To which Jewell replies, “It’s the South. I hunt.”

    Liked by 1 person

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