Source: Why “play hard to get” is terrible advice for women | Aleteia
I am, perhaps, the very last person who should be offering relationship advice, as my success in the world of romantic love and relationships has been slim to nonexistent, at least in recent decades.
[Which is a shame, because I think I would make a good husband and father, and would love to have the chance to try! But I digress…]
Nonetheless, this essay – written by a woman, Chloe Langr – strongly resonated with me. I think too many people, of both sexes, treat relationships as a game, a power struggle, or both. Perhaps it’s no wonder that so many fail…?
“When someone plays hard get to get, they’re focused on getting the upper hand and controlling the relationship. ‘When you’re determined to play it cool to impress someone, you lose sight of what you actually want. How are you supposed to develop a genuine connection when you are focused on gaining the upper hand?’ Goldin said. ‘Relationships are built on shared attraction and commitment, which makes pretending not to be interested at odds with what you really want.’ …
“Playing the hard-to-get game is harmful when you actually want to invest in a relationship with someone. The next time you find yourself doing it, take a minute to think about whether you’re truly enjoying the experience. If you’re interested in someone, be direct. You won’t come across as needy, but instead you’ll be showing vulnerability and confidence — and that is much more attractive then waiting an hour before responding to a text.”
And by the way, as a man (and one who can be somewhat shy, especially around a woman to whom I’m attracted), I can state categorically to any women who may be reading this that playing hard won’t make me want you more.
It will – depending on the specifics of the situation – either make me think, “ah, she’s gaming me” (in which case it will kill my interest, since that’s not the kind of woman I’m looking for) or it will make me think, “well, darn it, I guess she’s not interested after all… better look elsewhere.”
To restate from the linked essay and the excerpts above, “If you’re interested in someone, be direct. You won’t come across as needy, but instead you’ll be showing vulnerability and confidence.” Absolutely.