Why “play hard to get” is terrible advice for women | Aleteia

Dating Couple

Source: Why “play hard to get” is terrible advice for women | Aleteia

I am, perhaps, the very last person who should be offering relationship advice, as my success in the world of romantic love and relationships has been slim to nonexistent, at least in recent decades.

[Which is a shame, because I think I would make a good husband and father, and would love to have the chance to try! But I digress…]

Nonetheless, this essay – written by a woman, Chloe Langr – strongly resonated with me. I think too many people, of both sexes, treat relationships as a game, a power struggle, or both. Perhaps it’s no wonder that so many fail…?

“When someone plays hard get to get, they’re focused on getting the upper hand and controlling the relationship. ‘When you’re determined to play it cool to impress someone, you lose sight of what you actually want. How are you supposed to develop a genuine connection when you are focused on gaining the upper hand?’ Goldin said. ‘Relationships are built on shared attraction and commitment, which makes pretending not to be interested at odds with what you really want.’ …

“Playing the hard-to-get game is harmful when you actually want to invest in a relationship with someone. The next time you find yourself doing it, take a minute to think about whether you’re truly enjoying the experience. If you’re interested in someone, be direct. You won’t come across as needy, but instead you’ll be showing vulnerability and confidence — and that is much more attractive then waiting an hour before responding to a text.”

Amen.

And by the way, as a man (and one who can be somewhat shy, especially around a woman to whom I’m attracted), I can state categorically to any women who may be reading this that playing hard won’t make me want you more.

It will – depending on the specifics of the situation – either make me think, “ah, she’s gaming me” (in which case it will kill my interest, since that’s not the kind of woman I’m looking for) or it will make me think, “well, darn it, I guess she’s not interested after all… better look elsewhere.”

Just sayin’….

To restate from the linked essay and the excerpts above, “If you’re interested in someone, be direct. You won’t come across as needy, but instead you’ll be showing vulnerability and confidence.” Absolutely.

 

Advertisements

“For The Ladies” (and Gentlemen) | Be A Southern Gentleman

Source: Be A Southern Gentleman – For The Ladies (and Gentlemen)

Stephen Clay McGehee, a good friend of The Anglophilic Anglican, writes on his excellent blog “Be A Southern Gentleman,”

“Over the years, I have received several emails from ladies wanting tips on how and where to find a Southern gentleman. Southern gentlemen are few and far-between in today’s society, and ladies who want what marriage should be, who want a husband who will honor and cherish her and treat her like his queen, will be looking for a way to meet them. That is exactly how it should be, and those Southern gentlemen are certainly looking for those same Southern ladies. There is no magic formula to make this happen, but perhaps we can pass along a few ideas that may help.”

I am myself seeking a Southern lady – although I would be open to one from another geographic region, if she shared the same attributes and values! – and so I found this very interesting. Perhaps others may as well.

modest-yet-alluring
English actress Hermione Corfield demonstrating how it is possible to dress tastefully and still look attractive, even alluring.

Stephen sketches out general categories such as “Networking,” “Outward Appearance,” “Activities,” “Manners, Etiquette, and Lifestyle” (the first two, in particular, seeming to be almost unknown – or at least, held in little esteem – in today’s world), and includes “A few other notes.” I particularly liked his penultimate comment in this section:

“If all of this sounds too submissive or weak or ‘Goody Two Shoes’ for you, then do yourself and Southern gentlemen a favor and realize that you are not a good match. Southern gentlemen and ladies are both quite rare. There is a reason for that.”

Of equal interest (to me, anyway, being a gentleman rather than a lady) to Stephen’s original blog post is the response from a self-described “single lady” named Nancy, who describes “some of what I look for in a man, as a potential husband/partner.”

What is especially interesting to me is that among the ten characteristics she lists as being important to her, being a “ripped hunk with abs of steel,” or being a multimillionaire, do not make the list.

So what does she look for?

She does (understandably) seek someone who leads “a basically healthy lifestyle,” and who is “neat, clean, and tidy” (“Are his cloths neat? Does he wear anything beyond t-shirts and sweat pants? Are his hair, mustache, and beard neatly trimmed? Does he have good hygiene practices?”) – but assuming she is being honest in her assessment, she’s not looking for a superman or a movie star.

Instead, she seeks characteristics like “Does he have a pleasant sense of humor? Is he comfortable in his own skin? How does he treat me? Does he seem concerned about my happiness and welfare? Does he have anger issues? Is he ‘father material’?”

These, with the rest of her list, are characteristics that a young woman might profitably consider, as she seeks a man – and which a man might profitably seek to foster, if he seeks a decent, respectable, and worthy woman to be his sweetheart and eventual wife.

“Tips to look after your husband” – hints and suggestions from the 1950s

Tips to look after your husband – 1950

This came across my newsfeed today, to the usual mix of ironic laughter and disparaging comments. I’ve seen it a number of times, and it is invariably greeted by either outrage or guffaws.

But the thing that is lost in both reactions is the fact that most men would treat a woman who was this kind to her husband as an absolute jewel to be cherished, cared for, and loved with passionate devotion. The few who would not, are jerks who would continue to be jerks no matter what the woman did.

Just sayin’…!

(Of course, the sad economic reality, now, is that this sort of a situation is often simply not possible in today’s world – in which both partners must usually work outside the home in order to financially support the household – even if both parties wanted it. But that is a whole ‘nother kettle of fish………)

The Death of Eros by Mark Regnerus | Articles | First Things

Something strange is going on in America’s bedrooms… The trend is most pronounced among the young. Controlling for age and time period, people born in the 1930s had the most sex, whereas those born in the 1990s are reporting the least. Fifty years on from the advent of the sexual revolution, we are witnessing the demise of eros.

Source: The Death of Eros by Mark Regnerus | Articles | First Things

Interesting! Not everyone will agree with this, of course, but it’s based on academic social science research (so it can’t be simply dismissed as the ravings of those “deplorable” religious types…) and at the least, raises some issues that are worth pondering. Among them:

Despite all the talk of the “hookup culture,” the vast majority of sex happens within long-term, well-defined relationships. Yet Americans are having more trouble forming these relationships than ever before. Want to understand the decline of sex? Look to the decline in marriage…

A decline in commitment isn’t the only reason for the sexual recession. Today one in eight adult Americans is taking antidepressant medication, one of the common side effects of which is reduced libido. Social media use also seems to play a part. The ping of an incoming text message or new Facebook post delivers a bit of a dopamine hit—a smaller one than sex delivers, to be sure, but without all the difficulties of managing a relationship…

If these were the only causes, the solution would be straightforward: a little more commitment, a little less screen time, a few more dates over dinner, more time with a therapist, and voilà. But if we follow the data, we will find that the problem goes much deeper, down to one of the foundational tenets of enlightened opinion: the idea that men and women must be equal in every domain.

Social science cannot tell us if this is true, but it can tell us what happens if we act as though it is. Today, the results are in. Equality between the sexes is leading to the demise of sex.

Follow the link for more details. As I say, this idea won’t be popular, or even acceptable, with many people. I would modify it to say that identicality, rather than “equality” per se, is the real issue: the idea that men and women are basically interchangeable, rather than being different but complementary, and excelling in different roles. But however you want to parse it, it’s at least worth considering, rather than merely dismissing.

11 (12) Traits of A Quality Woman

A Sunny Girl - beautiful redhead

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives; the passion that she shows. The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years.”

~ Audrey Hepburn

In this article, we focus on some of the common traits of quality women. We hope that the content is entertaining and insightful; perhaps even useful.

Source: 11 Traits of A Quality Woman

Here are 11 common traits quality women share:

To which I have added a twelfth, at the end! I have also included comments [inset, like this one] where I felt them to be warranted. This is referring, of course, to women who are worthy of not only dating and forming close relationships with, but also – hopefully and ideally – the lifelong bond of matrimony. So what are these traits? They may not be limited to, but certainly include, the following: Continue reading “11 (12) Traits of A Quality Woman”

Europe’s future-less “leadership”

Posted by an acquaintance on Facebook:

  • Macron, the newly elected French president, has no children.
  • German chancellor Angel Merkel has no children.
  • British Prime Minister Theresa May has no children.
  • Italian Prime Minister Paolo Gentiloni has no children.
  • Holland’s Mark Rutte, Sweden’s Stefan Löfven, Luxemburg’s Xavier Bettel, Scotland’s Nicola Sturgeon—all have no children.
  • Jean-Claude Juncker, President of the European Commission, has no children.

So a grossly disproportionate number of the people making decisions about Europe’s future have no direct personal stake in that future.

Suddenly, a lot of things seem to make more sense, now… in a sadly warped and twisted sort of way. I don’t know about the rest of you, but to me it’s downright scary, presented in such stark terms. No wonder they’re acting like such idiots. They simply, literally, Do. Not. Care. Because they will not have children to reap the bitter harvest from the rotten seeds they are sowing.

Every previous generation had to think about future generations. These individuals do not, because for them, there will be no future generations.

And it also points up the sad fact that the European birth-rate is in the tank. It’s a bit of a catch-22: people are less likely to have children if they don’t believe in their own future… and it’s hard to believe that there will even be a European future, unless that birth-rate gets back up there to at least replacement level – and at this point, restoration level!

Meanwhile, some of us – myself included – would love to have children, but sadly have not found a partner to share that dream…

 

What women really want is the patriarchy | The Sacred Feminine

“Women have blindly followed the feminist mantra and now find themselves lonely and confused. It’s time to welcome back the patriarchy.” I discovered this article on The Federalist …

Source: What women really want is the patriarchy | The Sacred Feminine

I discovered this article on The Federalist and I have to say that it is spot on. It accurately describes problems that women and men face, why modern relationships do not work out and how it hurts the traditional family model…

Men and women both need to ditch this feminist propaganda and find their way back to their true selves. This is the only way we can have secure and happy families with both parties feeling self-fulfillment and knowing that their role is just as important as the other’s.

Interesting (if provocative) reflections on the original essay by the same name, from the author of the blog, “The Sacred Feminine.” Read it – and then click through to the original. Continue reading “What women really want is the patriarchy | The Sacred Feminine”